Tuesday, March 11, 2008

the actors' gill

Over the weekend we had a visit from more lawyers. I find myself sitting at the table on Saturday night surrounded by four lawyers – you can’t swing a dead cat, you know. I felt like Nixon. Here are a few things we learned over food and drink.

First, if you think for even one minute that underage drinking is a problem – you know, underage drinking in a bikini when you’re 17 – then you’d be seriously mistaken. If you think bare-bait fishing in some backwater hole out New England-way isn’t a problem – you’d be seriously mistaken. I’m not much on the great out-of-doors but I’m guessing that if ‘law enforcement’ cornered me at 17 with a bikini on, a beer in my hand, and a fishin’ hook in the water, my concerns would come in this order: me wearing a bikini, me drinking a beer, me fishin’. Apparently those State Fish and Game deputies have more than enough sway to ruin your life well into your run toward a professional career. Don’t dismiss the citation you get while shooting at badger from your Prius! I vaguely remember some question during my initial military background investigation that went something like this, “Have you ever killed anyone or caught a grouper out of season?” The sweat was pouring of my face as the lights blinded me and I tried to decide whether or not to ‘fess up to some killin’ I didn’t commit; or, if I’d better off telling the truth about that grouper I gutted and fried up with some collard greens. Don’t mess with bare-bait fishin’.

Second, it appears that Kt “Scorsese”, and her muscle Ms. X, were quite the stars of their very own power studio out in Western Mass back in the late 70s. WonderTwin One decided she was a director’s director in those halcyon days and used her powers of “persuasion” to decide that WonderTwin Two would always be the Prince, Ellen would be the Princess, and Super Christian would be the dog and/or pony. (Maybe it was his humble beginnings in the theatre that led him to excel in later life?) When Scorsese was approached by the forever-cast Princess, complaining that she didn’t want to be typecast…that she wanted to grow, she was given an easy out. “Fine. You can be either the Princess…or be the dog. Whatdya say?” I think an occasional turn as a dog (Tim Allen, Fred McMurray, etc.) only adds to one’s resume but it might not have been like that when you’re 7 or 8. I think at that very moment, while awaiting the answer, Christian was probably just praying that he’d not be the Princess – I think his typecast was probably fine with him. I suspect X was standing at the dressing table working on her Prince lines and thinking it’s good to have studio money behind you.

Kids, eh?


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