girls on buses

Sometime early last week X chortled at me while relaying some psychological mumbo-jumbo that allegedly confirmed male species' behavior when encountering new folk (I think it’s any type of male: me, giraffe, rhesus monkey, ladybug, or my dog Gus). Apparently, we look quickly at the eyes, glance down to the ‘private’ area (very quickly and without regard to gender), and then return to the eyes and/or face. We have no concern for whether or not the other is speaking, commenting on our hair, eating a donut, or making kissy sounds with their mouth. Eyes – crotch –eyes. Repeat for everyone you meet at the cocktail party. I’ve never even thought of myself as one that would indulge in this behavior but for some reason it came up while we were doing our hair early one morning. Now that I think about it, maybe she said it wasn’t only upon initial meeting, just at the beginning of our daily interaction with each person in our life. I’ve been trying to avoid this male trap for the last ten days but I don’t know if I’ve been successful since I didn’t even know I was doing it.

I’ll tell you what I learned on the bus this morning; but first I’ll pass along the set-up. The #401 / Backlick Road / South Franconia-Tyson’s Corner bus passes the Dunn Loring Metro station and runs through the heart of the Tyson’s Corner business ‘casual’ district in Vienna (12th largest base of business casual employment in America!). The route is conducive for lots of folks heading to work from D.C. and Arlington (opposite the major crowds) that ride the Metro and then catch the bus the last few miles. You get the same busload of people just about every morning, it feels a little like a traveling circus, and you have some imaginary connection with the other carnies. I tend to sit in the first set of seats that face forward (more legroom) so I’m generally looking across the two elderly/handicap rows of seats that have their backs against the windows and face the center aisle. If you haven’t ridden a lot of public transport, or can’t visualize the layout, I can’t help you anymore. In front of me today there were three chicks sitting in those access seats, not as traveling companions, but they were very similar: late 20s/early 30s, nicely dressed, good hair, business casual. I’m in perfect position to watch what’s going in front of me and suddenly it becomes almost comical. At each stop heading up Gallows Road there is at least one other woman getting off the bus and heading to her office, and as she walks up the aisle to exit the front door, all three of the girls give her the look. It’s like watching a tennis match: all their heads follow her from left to right, glare at her legs, pants, jacket, hair, and physical attributes. Once she gets too far into their peripheral vision, and someone might notice them scoping the comp’, they snap their little bird heads back to the ‘neutral looking out the other window’ position. The bus moves, the bus stops, a competitor walks past, heads swivel, grade the goods, snap back to neutral. Without fail, every stop. If the timing is just right you just might catch one of them glancing out the window to see just how ‘she’ could possibly walk and switch in those heels. Now, I’m not saying that this is anything like guys checking out girls but it certainly falls somewhere in the same post code. We have our reasons, they have theirs, but I'm certain neither creature can physically override the mental power to do what seems ingrained in our genes. But, at least us guys do it when we’re looking for something important…like a mate. Girls do it because they’re trying to find new styles of jeans and shoes…and because they’re catty and judgmental. Heathenesses.

Ah, Monday.

T.