you cannot be serious! - john mcenroe (1970s/80s)

A few weeks ago we sent off a couple of letters to the great north but they were returned about a week later by the USPS. Both included the standard, yellow sticker that said something about undeliverable as addressed – clearly a mistake since both addressees were correct. Not really understanding what the problem might be, I grabbed a new envelope (both items were cards), addressed it (again), stamped it (again), and fire it out yesterday morning. As expected when one tries to sort out an issue, another card was returned yesterday afternoon but this time it included some very official mathematical directions and chastisement (is that a word?) sticker covering the entire face of the envelope. It appears that unless you are mailing a perfectly standard-sized card you’ll be paying an additional $.20. Just so you don’t think that we were mailing those 2’ by 3’ cards full of pandas and balloons, here’s a picture of the returned card with a reference so you can size it yourself (that's a CD, by the way):

Here’s a zoom on the rules and directions. When you’re done with the math problem, please turn in your papers. I’m guessing that they’ve decided that if they must hand sort anything then you’re paying more. Have they purchased new sorting machines? This is complete bullshit:

I also wanted to update the progress of our snow-clearing equipment around the neighborhood. If you remember how they were stuck by feet of snow last month (see here), then rest assured they’ve finished their work. J.O.B.

We are in the midst of what I’d dubbed the “Extra Hash Brown (EHB)” game theory. It started accidentally when I asked which of the three blockheaded kids were interested in the extra hash brown at breakfast the other morning. (Background: the big pan only fits four hash browns for cooking. Yes, I could have only made three. Yes, I could have cut the last one in thirds, but where’s the fun in that?) I wrote down a number between 1 and 100 and starting with G., followed by H. and L., respectively, (they were all interested in the hash) and told them that whoever was closest to the number would win the gold. G. started with 77 – I now don’t remember the other guesses because I immediately lost interest – and after all the bids were in, H. had won. Why I lost my focus was because I immediately thought that 77, when you know two others are guessing behind you, is a poor opening salvo. What this became over the last two days – and now involves my workmate/probability geek as well as X – is this: what are the best numbers to choose if you are picking first, second, and/or third? I’ve added variants to the game that include closest without going over (the Price is Right version), and writing down a number on a secret ballot where if two pick the same number they are eliminated (the You Can’t Just Write 50 version). I’ll save you our endless discussions and thoughts and just let you play the game on your own. If you have three kids around – or two kids and a crazy wife – have them give a try and see what happens…but don’t give them any background before the first round. One additional input: since humans aren’t actually good at randomly selecting a number, go online and Google-up a random number generator and use that as your source for the final, winning, answer.

dinner and a storm

Well, I had some beef that was going wanting after the last storm (not 'bad' wanting, just wanting) so I whipped up some burgers and homemade fries for the legion. L. wanted to know why I made the burgers so big - broiled on the cast iron behemoth - to which I replied, "I had that much beef mixed up and three burgers to make. Call it algebra...or geometry...or maths." I think it's always a fun challenge to see if the crew can get their mouths around the food.

The snow has finally started, after appearing to not really care for itself as a storm so much today, and is now trying to whip up its fury. The snow would be enough but the wind is allegedly going to wreak havoc on the area.

I'd thought of turnip soup for the adults but it's quickly turned into an idea closer to a big mushroom omelet; or, essentially, something easier. We'll see, won't we?

mr t's neighborhood

Here's an image from last Sunday from the NASA Earth Observatory that shows the coverage fo snow from the last storm. You can see a larger image, and the original, here. Pretty awesome. They've actually done a projection for what it will look like after tonight and tomorrow - I don't have the heart to look at it.

how do you say snow in russian?

For dorks like me this is a great slideshow especially since we live in the area and use the Metro all the time. I’ve often wondered about the progress of the system; how they sorted out where to run and when they opened the various lines and stations. I’m still amazed they didn’t build a line to Dulles International way back when. From what I understand, Dulles was built to handle the growing traffic, particularly international and long-haul continental, and opened in the early 1960s and was fully up with jumbos by 1970. Who thought to themselves, “You know what? Let’s wait until the entire area is overrun with population and then try to build a line through 25 miles of suburbs in 2010.” It’s really a horrible example of civil engineering…or thought engineering.

We’re supposed to get another 8” today, and 8” more tomorrow, before our newest and bestest storm friend finishes with us. This is getting a bit over the top.

Quiz night went well last night. We finished a bit higher than normal (8th of 43 teams) and hung a bit tougher with the legendary Naked Hookers, weekly winners and 2009 champions, as they tumbled to 3rd and only about 5 points ahead of us. X got the team prize for coming up with Lulu (sang the theme to The Man with the Golden Gun). (see foonote)

Last season, we (Caps followers, not us) got a quick lesson from our local Moscow hockey reporter on the correct pronunciations of the Russian players’ names, nicknames, and myriad other confusions. They all seem to love living here in D.C. and hanging out a Russia House but they put up with some serious name butchering. Here’s a follow-up that adds audio and an embarrassing correction on how to really pronounce Alexander Ovechkin’s last name.

Even though Corey has some broken bones in his foot, and I honestly do feel bad about that, the story that led up to the breaking of said bones at North Park Dr. is absolutely hilarious. I don't think a story has had a car full of adults laughing so hard for so long. I'll leave it to Kt to rely when she has time.

Footnote / update: I've been alerted, in no uncertain terms, that X actually came up with the Lulu answer and Kt merely made us stand firm on that answer. The original entry claimed that Kt had come up with Lulu. Believe me, it was mere moments after the the original posting before my ding-a-ling rang and I was chastised. It's now been fixed.

t

melted

I'm catching the last half of the Super Bowl (can I use that term? Will I be sued by the NFL?) while X and H. play a game of chess and L seems to be making frosting for the chiffon cake that's in the oven. The sport of the day, beyond this, was the Caps v. Pens game in D.C. It felt like a playoff game between two teams that don't much care for one another; it doesn't hurt that the two best players in hockey are meeting. It started out horribly as Crosby scored two early goals and the Caps trailed 4-1 near the end of the second period. Ovechkin came back with a hat trick - he's already scored the Caps first goal - and he scored the third and fourth to tie the game and send it to OT. He then provided the winning assist on a slap shot that Mike Knuble finished. Amazing stuff. The highlights are above. These guys were just hammering away it each other all game. Fantastic. That's 14 in-a-row for the Caps.

It took me about 1:45 to get the car dug out this morning and then X headed out to recover H. from his two-night sleepover; she made it there and back only getting stuck on our unplowed road about ten feee from my well-shoveled parking box.

The schools have already cancelled for tomorrow so my tuition for L. is being well used!

Nothing more to report from the homestead. Quiz night tomorrow.

Saturday, noon

It's a pretty good storm we have going here on The Hilltop. If you've been to the house then you have some reference for the front and back porches. That hump at the bottom of the stairs is our car. We're well stocked with food and firewood so there're no issues here. H. headed out for a sleepover last night knowing full well - as did the family - that he wouldn't be coming home anytime soon.

As I was filling out the grocery list at the store yesterday morning there was a man in front of me in line buying four cases of Coke and two gallons of wiper fluid. I think I understand the Coke but the wiper fluid is beyond me; what exactly does he expect to be using it for? Do you see my car? Wipers are the least of my worries.

The Caps won their 13th straight game last night - an ongoing club record - and have the Pens in D.C. tomorrow at noon. Being that Pittsburgh is playing in Montreal today I have no idea how they imagine they'll get into D.C. anytime today or tonight. As of now, Reagan and Dulles are completely shut down. I suspect there may be a delay in the start time, maybe 7pm, and fans will have to decide on watching the Super Bowl or heading to the game against our deepest rivals.

We have loads of books, magazines, a few DVDs, Netflix-on-demand, and we still have power out here. Updates to follow.

t

freaky old shows...and people.

We got back to quiz night last night and did better, point-wise, than normal but so did everyone else. My claims to fame are two-fold, as they would be if they are claims: first, I made X and Phil stick with the Faye Dunaway answer on the "who is this" picture round (it was a 50s or 60s black-and-white photo). I only claim stubbornness and not knowledge on that one. My second point was during the 'Life and Times of William Shatner' round when the question was something along the lines of "on this 1965 show that included blah blah and talking trees, William Shatner played a dancing onion." I immediately came up with H.R. Pufnstuf, to which they both looked at me as if I were radioactive; they'd never heard of it. Of course, what else in 1965 could have talking trees and dancing onions? Yep, I was solid gold.

Last Saturday night we had a bit of a D.C. blizzard and there was some wonder on whether or not I'd have class. We were scheduled to finish up soups with a shrimp bisque, New England clam chowder, and a consomme. In the end, only 7 of the 20 showed up and so we worked 10 lbs. of shrimp into two gallons of bisque and two gallons of chowder. Once we got that sorted we finished the other 4 lbs. of shrimp into scampi and a very light breaded shrimp. I was shrimped out at the end of the night but it was a great class - loads of room in the kitchen and the chef instructor seemed to really enjoy the time. We're moving into poultry and some butchering this week (this a one-quarter, eleven-week, classical techniques course that runs about 11 hours per week.)

Both gals in the house are knocked down with sickness. L is reading in her room and X is laid out on the other living room pillow area. Both will get doused with NyQuil and sent to bed any moment.

Love to all.

t

P.S. I suspect all will be home tomorrow as we have another 4-6 inches of snow in progress.

holiday double foot

Prior to - or at the point of conception - of our blizzard, we attended a get together thrown by some parents from H.'s school last evening. I think the primary catch was parents of 8th graders so X was invited, and I, by proxy; I let them know that mine will be there next semester and they were quite grateful to know another girl would be showing up - apparently the gals are horribly outnumbered. The host/hostess house was something to behold. I don't know a spark plug from a Holley double-pumper carb any more than I can tell you square footage of a house but I'll guess this place had to be about 5,332 square ft (okay, I looked it up in the tax assessment). It's a beautiful place full of loads of art, massive rooms, at least three fireplaces that we could see, and a massive kitchen. Based on some Google mapping there's a pool that Michael Phelps could train in out back. As X was saying on the way home, when you find yourself 'hanging' around staffers, lobbyists, and some pretty elite folks you begin to wonder how this all happened. The highlight of the place was the Christmas decorations in the house. I've never in my life - nor have you unless you've been to Winsdor Castle - seen anything like it. There was more moving carousals, massive trees, camels, massive trees, a collection of at least 30 8" diameter snow globes, massive trees, and more decorations than we could even store in our house if we moved out. It was stunning and I so wish I had my camera to run some undercover youtube video. All that any of us could imagine was that there was some massive lazy susan mounted under the house that allowed one holiday/seasonal decoration kit at a time to be out. We then started wondering what would be the empty placeholder after Valentines and before the 4th of July; one guest pondered that maybe it was 'Spring'. I'm still a bit stunned by it all. We did have a wonderful time but it failed my house test which is that if I can't clean it myself then it's too big.

It looks like we'll top off tomorrow morning at about two feet of snow. We scurried out very early this morning - in only 8" of snow - to grab a few things at the store and mail some Christmas items. We got stuck twice: once in the near flat parking lot of the grocery and then as we parked in front of the house; even by Midwest standards this is a humdinger.

Maybe I'll send some pictures in the morning. My camera is in the car and I have no desire to stomp out in 3-4 foot drifts.

We're fine. Lots of food, wine, and coffee and no one's power has gone out yet. Oh, we also have a cord of firewood on the porch.

Love to all.

t

just a saturday

Apropos of nothing, or maybe something, I snapped a few shots on this Saturday. You get Lemon as she sits on her throne eyeing the snow; a lot more snow than we expected, and the real keeper - the box. X is going through her closet, and believe me, it looks like something exploded all over our bedroom. She dragged some empty boxes into the room earlier, pen in hand, and this is what I found. I worry.

love to all,

t

season's first

We've got our first snow on The Hilltop this morning. Before everyone settles in for the cold - and sometimes snowy - winter we always find the first snow romantic. Suckers.

gidgit or gadget?

There are two things in this world that I either don’t have, have had and lost, or can’t possibly be found: the perfect spill-proof coffee cup and the perfect over-the-shoulder bag. The reason I’m revisiting these topics is due to an order placed last night for a new Yak Sak. For those who know me intimately you’ll remember my first messenger bag crush was a simple black and gray commuter I bought in S.F. about four years ago. I’m certain that walking alone along the streets of that fine city over many a long weekend, with a bag purchased there, influenced my love of said bag. Since the retirement of Ol’ Baggy I’ve been through a Timberland, the current Timbuk2, a few cheap imitations bought at sundry stores, and at least a couple I probably don’t remember. The Timberland was never more than a one-night stand; the Timbuk2 is closer to just fine than most, but I’m going back to the company that began the evolution. Update to follow. We don’t want to get into the number of ‘spill-proof’ coffee devices I’ve purchased, lost, smashed, kicked, run over, or cussed at…

Speaking of updates. I neglected to mention that I didn’t go the Pats vs. Ravens Monday night game because my ticket seller bailed on me without so much as a peep. He’s basically a huge loser. I do have a ticket set up for the Colts vs. Ravens in Baltimore on Sunday night.

Kitchen gadgets. Here’s a ratio that I put forth as fact: the number of kitchen gadgets is inversely proportional to the amount of real cooking done in your home. As I’ve cooked more over the years I’ve actually gotten rid of more stuff than I’ve bought. When I was wandering through Williams-Sonoma yesterday I recognized this grand theory as I oogled the contraptions like I stare at animals in a zoo: cute but not really functional as pets. I bought two peelers, some kitchen shears, and a cutting board scraper. I have no need for the fancy stuff. As much as anything, contraptions need cleaning.

We had a beautiful snow through yesterday and into the night. The best part was throwing snowballs at Q. while I was outside with him. A totter in a snowball ‘fight’ is like a game of chance at a carnival: he just keeps tottering around and I keep refining my launching technique. Yup, he’s merely a piece of midway machinery to me.

T.

a zapruder moment

G. poked his head in the door this morning and directed something along the lines of “blah blah mumble mumble pschew” towards two not fully awake adults. Christine’s answer sounded very much like “no”, which sent G. running about the house saying “no school today!”

The boys felt cheated yesterday because they didn’t get the day off from school due to the snowstorm - even if it was a Sunday and they were already free and clear of the chains of education. I get the impression that snowstorms and the associated activities (sledding, snowball fights, wet clothes) are only graded as a success if they’re accompanied by a canceled school day. I imagine I was asked at least a half dozen times yesterday whether I thought there would be school today and I think I gave a well considered answer; yes and no. I thought it was going to be too warm for the evening/night rains to do much more than leave everything a wet and slushy mess (which it was); yet, I know how the ‘schools’ work around here so I rolled the dice on a two-hour delay. It’s difficult for adults to remember being a ten-year old and betting on whether or not homework needs to be done because you’re simply hoping that the weather guy is at least 100% right about the 50% chance of snow. I often went all-in on that little nugget of a bet, watched a bunch of TV, and lost my shirt when morning came without a trace of fluff. Bastards.

Back to this morning’s story - here’s the actual transcript of what was said:

G.: “Mommy, is there school today?”
X.: “Huh?”
G.: “Henry, no school today!”
X.: “Gabe! There is school today.”
G.: “But you said there wasn’t.”
X.: “No I didn’t”
G.: “You just did.”
X.: “I didn’t. I said ‘Huh’ to your question. I didn’t understand you.”
G.: “But you said there was no school.”
X.: “There’s school.”
G.: [hrumph] [exit stage left]

As if Mommy has the power to cancel school due to inclement weather. I believe there was a fleeting moment when G. almost decided to stand his ground, fight it out on grounds of "misunderstanding", and NOT go to school.