Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jobs. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

and the dressing on the side


I remember scanning newspaper ads and looking for jobs back in the early 1980s – I was most interested in working as a waiter. What you find out pretty quickly in the waiter otherworld is that every single ad – or posted sign – includes “experience required”. I never ended up being a waiter, crushed dreams and all, because I could never get either myself or the employer beyond the “experience required” roadblock. I’ve been a host, a busboy, and short-order cook but never a waiter. The reason this comes up is because I find the political idea of “experience” to be almost comical; I’ll get to it in a minute. Wouldn’t it be nice to own a restaurant and have the World’s most experienced and successful waiter walk in my door one day? No doubt. The flip side of that equation is that you hired an “experienced” waiter he turns out to be a fool, experience or not. In fact, aren’t you simply eliminating a massive pool of possibly very good workers – maybe even the future ‘greatest’ – by demanding completely pointless qualifications? Based on my dining out history, I’d say that about 30% of waiters are completely useless, 60% manage to not be useless, and about 10% are very good. If you accept my math, and you should, then what we have in our required hiring pool is that 90% of the bad and mediocre ‘experienced’ waiters running around applying for jobs that only they can possibly manage. You won’t often get a shot at the great 10% because they probably write their own tickets. I don’t want everyone to get all hot-and-bothered if you’ve been, or are, a waiter: it’s grueling work, the pay is for shit, and I don’t know if I would have been any good at it. I understand that…I’m making an analogy. I also know some pretty put together people who failed miserably at the job. If I’m the boss and I’m hiring waiters then I’m going to give just about everyone a good look. You’re always best to remember that everyone started somewhere – even the experienced waiters.

Politics. Are we so completely lost that we’ll just sit on the couch and pick-and-choose our representatives based on something called experience? At what? Being a Governor with no foreign-policy background? Being a Senator for some number of years? An actor and Governor? Experience at being President? What exactly is the issue, and why are we suddenly so selective? Somebody said on the talking radio box the other day that they didn’t need a President with experience they needed a President to lead. Lead. Simple concept, isn’t it? Let me carry over some math from the previous word problem: 30% of experience politicians are completely useless, 60% avoided being useless, 10% are pretty damn good. I feel that the further someone moves into the political otherworld the worse they get. I’d certainly love for one of those 10% to walk into my living room and tell me he wants to work for me. Even if they don’t walk through the door, I’m certainly going to give everyone a good, long look and I’m not adding something stupid like “experience required” to my ballot.

It’s a ramble, it’s probably not worth much, but it woke me up last night.

t

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

stop me if you've thought this


What I’ve realized during my time in the private sector is that there are an endless number of ‘jobs’ posted for people we’ll call program managers and project managers. I hate program managers and project managers. Here’s a wikipedia definition of project manager: “… the discipline of planning, organizing, and managing resources to bring about the successful completion of specific project goals and objectives. A project is a finite endeavor—having specific start and completion dates—undertaken to create a unique product or service which brings about beneficial change or added value.” Right. Making dinner every night qualifies as project management. Making dinner every night over the course of an entire week probably qualifies as program management (the managing of separate projects under one overarching theme). I guess if you add in some packed lunches and a few quick breakfasts than you could claim yourself some type of certification by ISO, Six Sigma, or any other fruit-loop organization. Aren’t these PMs, as they’re called, actually just workers and managers? Do we really need new on-line and resident educational programs to ‘qualify’ people as such? Here are a few other areas I might consider as PMs per your resume:

1. Making sure the dog gets walked twice a day.
2. Establishing and maintaining an exercise routine.
3. Creating a kick-ass compilation CD for your friends.
4. Planning the purchase of the new G3 iPhone.
5. Budgeting your money so you can buy Madonna tour tickets.
6. Printing labels and applying them to index cards for Bar study.
7. Planning for the cab home after hanging with friends at the local bar.
8. Making vacation plans.
9. Setting the alarm to wake you up.
10. Putting out the recycling.

You get the picture.

Todd
Project Manager, the Paddle.

p.s. I’m changing the verbiage on my resume ---- big money PM!