incompetency

Sometimes your computer skills, point-and-clicking, typing, and general Internet usage, when viewed by a second party, appear unimpressive. In fact, when a computer is in use and there are two people involved with said computer, you don’t want to be either the controller or the backseat driver. I learned long ago that when the IT guy, or in-flight engineers as I knew them on the plane, show up at your computer to fix a problem you’re best served by heading to the coffee bar – or lunch. Do not do either of the following: stay seated and attempt to type, select, or pull-down any menu that the technician (we’ll call him “Dan”) is telling you to do – what he really wants is for you to simply get out of the way; or, stand behind him as he works “the system” and say self-incriminating things along the lines of “I wouldn’t have thought of that would work”, or “I don’t understand what you’re doing.” I know that in either case you can’t see computer guy’s face but trust me when I tell you there’ll be a slowly simmering recipe of frustration, anger, laughter, and incredulity bubbling across his face. Just walk away.



Stay with me. Last night the Eleven was madly searching for an Æbleskiver recipe for the Holidays – I’ve no idea why we seem unable or unwilling to bookmark these tidbits. I think it’s important that you have the lowdown on set-up in the dining room as this fiasco kicked off so you follow along and see the misery unfold in your mind’s eye. I was using her laptop (soon to be my laptop) because the genesis of the task was the sending a shopping list to my mother in Florida for the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day nosh shopping. X is standing about, doing not much of anything as she does, when I mistakenly asked her to play by saying something important, like “how do you spell Æbleskiver?” The good X correctly spells Æbleskiver (well done); the bad X immediately moves around the table so she can lean over my shoulder and “help”. I’ll tell you this, my google skills are impeccable - apparently she feels the same about her google skills. Maybe it’s why we like each other…some kind of narcissism, but not narcissism, concerning Boolean abilities. As my results for Æbleskiver appear before me eyes I get an earful of this: pick there, click here, not that one, this one (touching the screen), “why would you type it in with quotation marks?”, that won’t work, roll up, roll down, stop, there it is, try it with the word ‘recipe’ (to which I think “oh, should I use quotation marks now!”), you misspelled that, backspace, and finally I get this… “your google skills are horrible.” Remember that intro paragraph up above? Sure you do. Ask for help spelling Æbleskiver and then walk away with nary a word as she sidles across the room; go get a cup of coffee in the kitchen…or go to lunch. Nothing good will come from staying nearby and exposing your computer soul to another…absolutely nothing. There are aspects of relationships that shall never be overcome.

X ordered a new fiberglass duvet cover and matching pillows last week. Our cotton, winter standby cover suddenly gave up the ghost and fell to pieces - emergency action was called for and executed. Let me tell you that nothing feels quite as soft on the skin as a scratchy, pokey, uncomfortable pile of linen misery. I’m not quite as princess-y as the princess so I didn’t notice the horrible feel until shortly after she pointed out that the whole new bedding set sucked. Our bedding set-up in the winter, since you asked, is a bottom sheet with just the duvet colligo cover on top – very European. The problem in America, and I accurately pointed this out based on my middle America upbringing – is that in this here country people sleep with a top sheet all the time so the scratchy duvet cover (or bedspread) never actually touches the body. Also, any pillowcase that loads from the middle back isn’t actually a sleeping pillowcase but a decorative case and it’s usually pitched on the floor to expose the actual sleeping pillow. She had no idea what I was on about but she did remedy the situation immediately by changing pillowcases and getting out a top sheet. Comments?

Right. This is my life.

t

my dearest Roisin and Aisling

March is shaping up like something of a something for music. On the 1st we’re off to Baltimore to see Flogging Molly and on the 9th I’ve got (well, I’m hoping to got tomorrow morning) two tickets for the Pogues at the 9:30 Club in D.C. A week later I’ll get an evening of Bob Mould’s music at the 9:30 Club on his tour in support of his new CD. It’ll be a big hunk of Irish and/or punk music.

The Eleven hit the D.C- area Christmas party scene last Saturday night via an appearance at X’s former and future law firm’s shindig. I’d like to say I clean up pretty well but she cleans up much better – of course, she starts off from a much higher level. There was some confusion on whether or not this was an eating party since it didn’t kick-off until 8pm; I’m normally thinking about bed at 8pm. We ate at home around 6:30 (the kiss of death) and then discovered that the party was in fact an eating party. What can you do? Arrived at fancy D.C. hotel just after 8pm for cocktails and mingling before the ballroom doors swung opened for seating at 9pm. The food looked adequate but we mostly sat and gabbed while others ate. (Is this story too long?) This was the first chance I had to meet the high-powered types from her firm. Here’s a shortlist of who I remember meeting: fisheries guy, guy from same high school as X, IT guy, sad guy, tax guy, hedge fund guy, summer associate herding guy, various summer associates – to include X’s Cordelia (Buffy reference), and myriad other eagles. All in all it was a nice evening out of the house with a cute girl.

obama

I’ve signed petitions here in Virginia by all who’ve asked for help in getting their candidate on the primary ballot: Obama, Clinton, Richardson, and Huckabee. I suspect that the very blue northern Virginia area isn’t getting much attention on the Republican side since I’ve seen no one but the 'Huckabees' looking for ballot signatures. Of course, the big three GOP candidates probably have better organization and everything is in order at this late date. I do suspect there to be a Ron Paul push between now and the New Year if he's not already on the ballot.

I standby my earlier post concerning those that can win a general election: Obama, Edwards, and Paul. I know it still sounds crazy since Paul won’t get the nomination but the rest of the GOP field stands little chance in November – although I am enjoying watching the Huckabee surge and discomformt it causes the frontrunners. The election algebra calls for some solution involving those I don’t think can win a general election if they are actually part of a general election: Clinton, Giuliani, Romney, McCain, or Huckabee. We can cross that bridge when, or if, we get there but if it comes to fruition than I’ll vote for Clinton.

I’d have liked Bill Richardson to make a stronger showing over the last six or eight months but he’s struggled to get any coherent message to voters. He seems confused and often stumbles when trying to clarify his issues when pressed for quick and decisive answers. I think he’d be a great cabinet member but his abilities as President are questionable.

There is probably an unfair penalty to be paid for association with what I consider to be 28 years of oligarchic rule in the White House being extended another eight years; I’m including the Bush 41's time as Vice President. I honestly believe that cleaning house – in both branches of elected government – is in overdue. If we could chuck out 90% of Congress at the same time as we swap the White House for new ideas, I’d be the first to sign on. From my view, both leaders in Congress have been horribly inept over the last year and I’d just as soon see Reid and Pelosi step aside and hand the reins to someone who doesn’t have twenty years of Washington stink wafting around their behavior.

My vote in the Virginia primary will be for Obama. I believe this is a rare chance for the American voters to throw the career junk from Washington and make as clean a start as is possible these days. The Obama and Clinton platforms appear nearly identical on the surface, and they are by necessity, but Clinton’s foreign policy mentality scares me to death. I think it’s vital to remember that in the grand political scheme Senator Clinton is beatable by just about any GOP nominee; Obama isn’t beatable by any of them. If I finally have to fall in line with the “Nader cost the Dems the 2000 election” mentality then I will – the Obama v. Clinton debate mirrors that issue. If I don’t believe a candidate can win the White House as the Democratic nominee than I’m not willing to risk losing it all when I vote in my primary.

I guess the die is cast.

T

heroes and gyros

X says she possesses something called “Exam Brain” that she claims is triggered by the desperation of finals. I think it sounds like a superhero of sorts – “Quick, call Exam Brain! A high school junior in Manhattan has overslept for his SAT." Ta Dah! She says it’s not so much a superhero as it is a setting, an on and off thing. As an example she gave me this, and I’m not making it up, “It’s like the bagel setting on the toaster. Have you ever tried to toast a bagel without pushing the bagel button?” Or tried to take and exam without the bagel button? Maybe it was meant as allegory, or irony, or simile, or some other type of grammar I don’t understand but I now think of this highly-evolved brain as something akin to a kitchen appliance add-on.

On my way home Friday I took a picture of the warning sign near the doors on the inside of the Metro car. I know it’s a little out of focus but you can make out the premise: not only should you not block the doors, you shouldn’t do it in superhero fashion.



My rush hour Metro riding is limited to running against the tide and staying out in the safe Virginia suburbs but I’m certain that when the doors do get blocked it’s not like this. Most door blockage is generated by riders scurrying, like rats, into overcrowded cars – some rats doing so more effectively than other rats. One of the only instances I remember hearing concerned some lobbyist, young lawyer, or congressional staffer jamming his arm into the closing doors as if to say, “to hell with forward motion and all progress! I'm getting on this damn train.” The warning sticker model seems much more heroic in the “I will, through brute force of heroism, maintain the open valley of passage for all commuters large and small. I. am. Door Man!” vain.

I took the boys to their final gymnastics’ lesson Saturday morning whilst X took her Evidence final. There are normally three classes flipping about the well-equipped Arlington Aerials training facility/gulag. On Saturday the instructor of the 5-8 year-old bouncing daisies has split them into two, the 12-14 year-old bevy of twisting and rotating girls where there, and there was an additional school of 15 year-old balance beam artists tumbling and rounding off. What I find so disturbing about watching all this crazy activity is that I’ve never been able to do ANY of it. Ever. I can barely summer sault and I’ve got no cart wheeling genes. These pixies spent an inordinate amount of time upside down and hurling themselves through air with a future landing on some appendage (or behind) as an afterthought. Up they bounce as if it’s nothing. It’s strangely peaceful to realize that the six year-old flying five feet in the air will eventually come to a landing on parc ferme. I’ve decided after much thought to use this collective term for the limber, flipping hordes: an inversion of gymnasts.

That’s that, for now.

T.

hey! bud!

One of the grand mistakes to affect MLB was the 1992 appointment of Bud Selig as acting commissioner. The follow-on act of confirming him as commissioner in 1998 – after a six-year search (where the hell were they looking?) – was simply pouring gas on the fire. Selig brought baseball back to Milwaukee 1970 when he purchased the Seattle Pilots and rebranded them as the Brewers and for that he’s considered a baseball hero in that city. The great problem in the appointment of a club owner as commissioner is the inability to separate the business of owning from the business of the game. An owner’s only concern is making money,and making money and on-the-field product go hand-in-hand. At some point during his time as acting commissioner, though it might actually have been at the time he become the permanent commissioner, he ceded control of the Brewers to his daughter in order to deflect any conflict of interest issues. The point here is that I wouldn’t want any owner or former team owner as a commissioner; I wouldn’t want any former player or union representative as commissioner. This type of responsibility requires someone independent of both parties, whose salary is paid by both, and whose decisions are final. There is nothing that Selig has done during his tenure that merits any measure of awe. The two events that seem to draw applause are the wild card playoff teams and interleague play. I’m pretty sure the wildcard would have come to fruition with or without Selig sitting in the office. From a purely marketing model baseball needed the wildcard. As for interleague play? Well, you’ll find only a smidgen of fans who don’t hate interleague play – if anything it’s become something of a joke. How about the bad stuff? The league that wins the All-Star game get home field advantage in the World Series may be the worst idea ever. That’s like having a free throw contest to determine home court advantage in the NBA Finals? He oversaw the players’ strike and cancellation of the World Series in 1994. He banned Marge Schott – wow! That’s impressive. He reinstated George Steinbrenner – does anyone care?

His greatest failure, and it rests on him alone, was his oversight of the drug scandal in baseball. You’d think that after the strike and World Series debacle of 1994 baseball would be in a better state 13 years later. The fact is that baseball is in a worse state now than it was in those dark days. MLB can quote all the profits it wants – that’s what Selig desires – but the game is hollow and lost. Selig knew full well what was going on over the last ten years but he was too weak, mindless, and scared to attack the problem due to the risk of losing money. At least Fay Vincent, as commissioner before Selig, admitted that the owner’s were guilty of collusion and that there were major problems. Peter Ueberroth would have beat this down with a stick. Bart Giamatti would have been handing down dictates from on high and started a ‘suspended player’ queue outside his office. You often hear that the games (baseball, football, basketball, etc.) are greater than the players, and it’s true, but when the game itself is being run by incompetents it can and will be horribly damaged.

Those players named as cheaters will eventually fade from memory because the game is greater than each and every one of them. Baseball will never move forward from this decade of deceit until the ringleader of the circus is removed. It is impossible for me to even think of Selig meting out punishment and pontificating from on high after release of the Mitchell report. If the commissioner had any inclination to exhibit his love for the game then he’d step down and walk away from ashes he’s created. Of course, we’ve never known him to carry that sort of gumption. Selig will never admit nor apologize for his errors.

gonna let it rock...let it rolllllll

I was listening to Diane Rehm interviewing Daniel Schorr on this morning’s show when I popped over to CNN for a quick look at breaking news. Oh look! The Spice Girls are opening the new Virgin Terminal at Heathrow and there’s live video. Yes! They’re my cross to bear.

The newest Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame inductees have been announced and the opening report from the MTV generation of artists has been heard. Obviously, Madonna has been a lock for years but will still generate heaps of criticism from the hordes. Is it coincidence that Madonna and the Spice Girls show up in one entry? Considering the hold MTV had on an entire generation her entry is bonafide – as an entertainer she is of the same mold as Elvis and no one would argue with Elvis. Hey! I didn’t say she was Elvis. Add in a dash of “she’s getting better looking as she gets older” and I’ll support her.


John Mellencamp is another product of MTV, albeit a forgotten one to most. His days as John Cougar and the videos for Hurts So Good, Jack and Diane, and Pink Houses were staples of the network long before he became a more politically and musically driven (?) rock n’ roll figure in later years. I own most of his stuff and am very happy to see him gain entry. Very few of my generation would be unable to sing along with the opening verse of Jack and Diane – and we’d be doing the hand claps while preparing to croon. Here’s the video for everyone’s enjoyment…


Weather moving in for the weekend. We won’t need to dig out around here, it doesn’t get that bad. We’ll be bundled up for the Eastern Market on Saturday afternoon.

Love to all.

T.

map to market

I’m attaching a map of the craziness that is the Northern Virginia street and traffic pattern. I’m only using this as a representative example of jackassery that goes on about here. The reason I can finally put fingers to keys is a visit the Eleven had with a landlord/homeowner a few weeks ago (we were eyeing a bigger place at the time). He’d grown up in the area and commented, after I’d laughed at trying to figure out exactly how to get from A to B, that there is rhyme or reason to the labeling of streets and one of the ‘well known’ items was this…don’t laugh. The word streets go in alphabetical order. That’s not all. When they ran out of letters (years and years ago) they started over with A but then named all the streets with words that have…two syllables! There is an entire alphabet even further west from the river that has three syllables. In my imagination I can see a tree-lined street further west that’s nom d’boulevard is Arugula. I have no five-syllable words to even contemplate.

Here are the maps....enlarge and zoom into the blue areas for a good view; if you're a geek.

Here's the switch from one to two syllable streets:

View Larger Map

Here's the switch from two to three, note how the letters don't actually align - and how some still slip through, and how some crazy streets that are a part of nothing show from the abyss...

View Larger Map

I made my first trip to the Eastern Market this afternoon. Last spring or winter it caught fire and it’s in the process of being rebuild and restored. The actual building is sturdy of brick and I think it’s mostly the inside that needs refurbishing. As it is, they’ve set-up temporary spaces outside on the city blocks and the food market, a separate building across the street, is operating as normal. I asked the boys if they wanted to come along but they decided against – unawares that street and open markets tend to have huge crepe stands with gigantic piles of goodness. Oh well. It was an absolutely gorgeous day in the District and I was in a very holiday mood. I’ve sorted Laurel’s stuff, snagged some jewels, two Swiss peelers (yes!), a few knickknacks, and some stocking stuffers. It was a day well spent. P.S. X was at the Arlington Central Library studying law all day.

I’ve bribed the boys with Pokemon cards in order to get them to clean their room tonight. I know, precedent. I think it’s easier right now to get the room cleaned, and further groundings averted, than it is to consider future “I want something in order to do something” arguments. Their mother will be more at ease…it’s for her, not me! I’m taking them to see the Golden Compass in the morning before I settle in for a day of cleaning and Sunday Times reading.

I know…a rare weekend post. Read this.

gidgit or gadget?

There are two things in this world that I either don’t have, have had and lost, or can’t possibly be found: the perfect spill-proof coffee cup and the perfect over-the-shoulder bag. The reason I’m revisiting these topics is due to an order placed last night for a new Yak Sak. For those who know me intimately you’ll remember my first messenger bag crush was a simple black and gray commuter I bought in S.F. about four years ago. I’m certain that walking alone along the streets of that fine city over many a long weekend, with a bag purchased there, influenced my love of said bag. Since the retirement of Ol’ Baggy I’ve been through a Timberland, the current Timbuk2, a few cheap imitations bought at sundry stores, and at least a couple I probably don’t remember. The Timberland was never more than a one-night stand; the Timbuk2 is closer to just fine than most, but I’m going back to the company that began the evolution. Update to follow. We don’t want to get into the number of ‘spill-proof’ coffee devices I’ve purchased, lost, smashed, kicked, run over, or cussed at…

Speaking of updates. I neglected to mention that I didn’t go the Pats vs. Ravens Monday night game because my ticket seller bailed on me without so much as a peep. He’s basically a huge loser. I do have a ticket set up for the Colts vs. Ravens in Baltimore on Sunday night.

Kitchen gadgets. Here’s a ratio that I put forth as fact: the number of kitchen gadgets is inversely proportional to the amount of real cooking done in your home. As I’ve cooked more over the years I’ve actually gotten rid of more stuff than I’ve bought. When I was wandering through Williams-Sonoma yesterday I recognized this grand theory as I oogled the contraptions like I stare at animals in a zoo: cute but not really functional as pets. I bought two peelers, some kitchen shears, and a cutting board scraper. I have no need for the fancy stuff. As much as anything, contraptions need cleaning.

We had a beautiful snow through yesterday and into the night. The best part was throwing snowballs at Q. while I was outside with him. A totter in a snowball ‘fight’ is like a game of chance at a carnival: he just keeps tottering around and I keep refining my launching technique. Yup, he’s merely a piece of midway machinery to me.

T.

and the winner is...

I know that data basing, opinions, and ratings can be mangled up in a blender and poured into an icy, cold margarita glass. I’ll also admit that I’m not one to worry too much about the chemistry, actual science, and logic behind the process; in fact, when the 20Q handheld game first came out I was somewhat frightened by its ability to figure out that I was thinking of a weasel and not a badger. Most of the “you’ll like this” junk never really works on me – there’s always some system that tell me that Meet the Parents is really, really funny.

I’ve joined Netflix for my second go-round and I’ve joined for the same reasons: I don’t like late fees or worrying about returns, the selection is amazing, the price is just right, and they’ve got all the TV series I want to test view. I’m not actually sure why I let my membership lapse the first time. After you join they’re fairly aggressive in trying to get you to rate a whole bunch of movies you may have watched in your life, they ask you some questions, and then they allegedly build a suggestion list for a given genre. Today’s quizzing was so they could extract my comedy leanings and then suggest films I might like, as if that’s possible. I’m a little weirded out by the eight main suggestions:

High Fidelity
Waiting for Guffman
Manhattan
Ghost World
Fargo
Royal Tennenbaums
Big Lebowski
Secretary

I think that I’ve owned seven of the eight, and Manhattan I did see at some point. I love these films. I know what you’re thinking “Gee, they threw in a couple Coen Brothers movie, a Wes Anderson, and a Christopher Guest…that WAS hard.” But, the Ghost World and Secretary shots are off-the-wall – that ain’t easy. In fact, Ghost World has one of the funniest scenes, and greatest characters, I’ve ever seen in a movie: Doug. You also get early Scarlett Johansson (17?) and Thora Birch. Anyway, the query results fall under the same spell that gets X all lost in iTunes when she slinks in for a song and comes out a $100 later simply because some little bubbles read “if you like this then you might also like…”

I came with a bubble over my head.

t.

back to the roots

On Friday evening the Eleven and kids were driving home from a children’s dental appointment and Balducci’s gourmet market trip (the Balducci’s visit was my filling while the boys had their filling) and we decided to stop at the Eden Center for a little treat. The Eden Center is a shopping area in Falls Church that gives you an idea of what if would be like to get set down smack dab in the middle of a Vietnamese city, or so I guess – markets, restaurants, jewelers, too many people. Anyway, we’d stopped by for a couple of taro root, nee Colocasia esculenta, bubble drinks as our Friday treat. On the way out of the shopping center X turns to me and says “I pretty much love any root vegetable.” Maybe the conversation involved roots, with the taro and all, but it still struck me as a pretty broad proclamation to make in any environment. You can’t just say something like that and not expect to get laughed at. What did I do? I laughed, and then tried to come up with some other freakishly broad generalization which ended up being “I love most aubergine-colored fish.” Case closed.

Sunday morning brought visits to the DuPont farmer’s market and the D.C. fish market. I was in a mood. There are more seasonal changes at farmer’s market as the greens have changed, the gourds dominate, and the flower lady is off to Europe and Asia for the remainder of the winter. She apparently does quite well selling flowers. The pick of the week was a basket of jerusalem artichokes, nee Helianthus tuberosus or sunchoke, that will be deftly turned to a gratin in the immediate future (click here to see that the city of Jerusalem has nothing to do with the name…I know you want it). More roots? Maybe X poisoned my mind with root and tuber thoughts.

The fish market was a whole new experience this trip. I got two 2-lb mullet for dinner but didn’t want, or even know how, to filet them myself. The seller pointed out the blue-and-white stripped ‘building’ at the market that does all the fish cleaning for the vendors. I toted my two mullet to the shack, walk in, and get stand in the midst of an amazing adventure. There are about six workers, a counter, a scale, and work stations ripe with boards, hoses, buckets, slop, knives, scalers, and more slop. It’s $.45 a pound for cleaning so my 4 lbs. of fish is going to run me $1.80. This little cultural nugget is so foreign to me – this isn’t some fish house out in Virginia, or Omaha…this is a fish house. The talk is fast and loose, the NFL pre-game is playing on a crappy 13” TV in the corner, the fish is cleaned and dunked to rinse, and I’m mesmerized for fifteen minutes while I watch the destruction. Unless you have serious issues with fresh fish I’m taking all visitors to the market and fish house.

I’ve scored tickets for tonight’s Patriots v. Ravens game at M&T Bank Stadium up in Baltimore. The weather forecast is for cold and windy so I’ll bundle it up. As one would expect I’m working the light rail transport right to the stadium. Report to follow. If you see me on TV make sure to get a good TiVO.

t.