Thursday, December 20, 2007


Sometimes your computer skills, point-and-clicking, typing, and general Internet usage, when viewed by a second party, appear unimpressive. In fact, when a computer is in use and there are two people involved with said computer, you don’t want to be either the controller or the backseat driver. I learned long ago that when the IT guy, or in-flight engineers as I knew them on the plane, show up at your computer to fix a problem you’re best served by heading to the coffee bar – or lunch. Do not do either of the following: stay seated and attempt to type, select, or pull-down any menu that the technician (we’ll call him “Dan”) is telling you to do – what he really wants is for you to simply get out of the way; or, stand behind him as he works “the system” and say self-incriminating things along the lines of “I wouldn’t have thought of that would work”, or “I don’t understand what you’re doing.” I know that in either case you can’t see computer guy’s face but trust me when I tell you there’ll be a slowly simmering recipe of frustration, anger, laughter, and incredulity bubbling across his face. Just walk away.

Stay with me. Last night the Eleven was madly searching for an Æbleskiver recipe for the Holidays – I’ve no idea why we seem unable or unwilling to bookmark these tidbits. I think it’s important that you have the lowdown on set-up in the dining room as this fiasco kicked off so you follow along and see the misery unfold in your mind’s eye. I was using her laptop (soon to be my laptop) because the genesis of the task was the sending a shopping list to my mother in Florida for the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day nosh shopping. X is standing about, doing not much of anything as she does, when I mistakenly asked her to play by saying something important, like “how do you spell Æbleskiver?” The good X correctly spells Æbleskiver (well done); the bad X immediately moves around the table so she can lean over my shoulder and “help”. I’ll tell you this, my google skills are impeccable - apparently she feels the same about her google skills. Maybe it’s why we like each other…some kind of narcissism, but not narcissism, concerning Boolean abilities. As my results for Æbleskiver appear before me eyes I get an earful of this: pick there, click here, not that one, this one (touching the screen), “why would you type it in with quotation marks?”, that won’t work, roll up, roll down, stop, there it is, try it with the word ‘recipe’ (to which I think “oh, should I use quotation marks now!”), you misspelled that, backspace, and finally I get this… “your google skills are horrible.” Remember that intro paragraph up above? Sure you do. Ask for help spelling Æbleskiver and then walk away with nary a word as she sidles across the room; go get a cup of coffee in the kitchen…or go to lunch. Nothing good will come from staying nearby and exposing your computer soul to another…absolutely nothing. There are aspects of relationships that shall never be overcome.

X ordered a new fiberglass duvet cover and matching pillows last week. Our cotton, winter standby cover suddenly gave up the ghost and fell to pieces - emergency action was called for and executed. Let me tell you that nothing feels quite as soft on the skin as a scratchy, pokey, uncomfortable pile of linen misery. I’m not quite as princess-y as the princess so I didn’t notice the horrible feel until shortly after she pointed out that the whole new bedding set sucked. Our bedding set-up in the winter, since you asked, is a bottom sheet with just the duvet colligo cover on top – very European. The problem in America, and I accurately pointed this out based on my middle America upbringing – is that in this here country people sleep with a top sheet all the time so the scratchy duvet cover (or bedspread) never actually touches the body. Also, any pillowcase that loads from the middle back isn’t actually a sleeping pillowcase but a decorative case and it’s usually pitched on the floor to expose the actual sleeping pillow. She had no idea what I was on about but she did remedy the situation immediately by changing pillowcases and getting out a top sheet. Comments?

Right. This is my life.


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