step away from the car

Right. Being as I’m a fan of just about any type of auto racing I was taken aback at an ad I saw on the inside cover of the latest New Yorker. It was an ad for the new Lexus LS and it took a few seconds to register in mind since I don’t generally read advertisements in any of my pubs. I was already into the table of contents before I flipped back to the ad. I’ll get to what caught my eye in a wee second.

My favorite racing series is Formula 1, followed closely by the World Rally Championship…I know my European is showing, I’ll try to tuck it in. I’ve long liked NASCAR but I’m more an open-wheel lover of American racing circuits. The 70s was much more memorable for watching the Indy 500 than the Daytona 500, at least if you were living in Omaha. If I purge my mind of my trivial NASCAR knowledge that has piled up over the years then I’m only being honest in saying that Richard Petty and David Pearson are the only stockcar drivers I knew in my youth. If we’re talking Indy Cars then I can overflow with names like AJ Foyt (I know, he drove stockcars too. Hell, AJ drove anything with wheels…probably the greatest ever American driver), Al Unser, Bobby Unser, Mario Andretti, Gordon Johncock, Johnny Rutherford, Rick Mears, Emmo Fittipaldi, etc. I think the ultimate test is the phrase that’s passed the lips of millions and millions of Americans riding in cars, “Who do you think you are? Mario Andretti?” I’ve heard that from kids in their teens…even now. I have never heard some punk say, “Who do you think you are? Jeff Gordon?” The next time they smart off from back seat ask them if they know who Mario Andretti is. Eventually, I moved to Bill Elliot and NASCAR but that’s another story.

Here are the basic engine specs on the 2007 engine being run by the defending world champion Renault Formula 1 team:

Capacity - 2400 cc
Architecture - 90° V8
Weight - 95 kg
Max rpm - 19,000 rpm

Do you know how many gears that beast has? 7 (plus a reverse…as if that’s used much). 7. 7. 7. 7. The last two World Championships for drivers and constructors have been won by the Renault team with Fernando Alonso at the wheel. I had a chance to attend a basic race driving school in England and I’ll tell you that hauling ass around Brands Hatch at nearly 100mph in an old open wheel Formula Ford is nerve wrecking enough. The idea of zipping around at 200+ mph in a Formula 1 car is terrifying. Is this too much of a back story? Sorry. My point is this: the new Lexus in the ad has EIGHT gears! if Fernando Alonso only needs seven gears to work his way around tracks from Monaco to China then I’m pretty sure Don of Leesburg, VA can get by on fewer. Exactly why does Don need the killer acceleration and power inherent in an 8-speed? Is he worried about his friction circle slipping outside of parameters as he blasts out of DuPont Circle with a VW Bug trying to pass on the outside? I’m pretty sure Don isn’t even capable of counting to 8 as he shifts at 6mph, 13mph, 25mph, 40mph, 60mph, 75mph, 100mph, and finally a kick at 125mph for the long run into Eau Rouge during his practice runs for qualifying. Who does he think he is, Jeff Gordon?. 8 gears? The dingletrons that are buying the sequential 8-speed are probably the same guys that attempt to downshift on the hard right-hand turn while exiting Key Bridge onto the Whitehurst Freeway (local joke). I can see this yahoo pulling into the local Shell, locking up the brakes into the ‘pit box’, and screaming to no one in particular that his car has understeer (‘tight’ for the NASCAR fans) and he needs less front wing. Didn’t we just move to 6-speeds not long ago? That was quite a reach from the kicking 5-speeds of my youth. You know what this reminds me of? This.

I rest my case.

T.