Tuesday, November 27, 2012

princes and the challenged

 Prince’s career kicked off in earnest about the same time I entered high school. It was in full flight by my senior year and throughout my freshman year in college. He’s sold somewhere between 60 and 100 million records, changed his name, done a gazillion tours, made legendary videos, and generally been the coolest cat on the planet. I’ve followed him through the years even if I haven’t bought any of his records – though I did totally ace his discussion about the internet being dead a few years ago and built it into my own ideas of the online world and death of social activity. That’s a discussion for another day. This is about a return in 2012 of the man: a new song (online even!), wonders about a new record, and the still way too cool bass lines and voice that define him. I’m amazed that after 30 years there has never been another artist that can produce this kind of music. Pretenders to the throne – I could listen to this all day.

My dearest Lindsey, Saxby, John, and Peter,
     I’d like to take a little time to address the grand and heroic gesture you believe you are making in possibly deciding to act against the wishes of Grover Norquist. To make something very clear up front: I don’t give a shit whether you do or not; your wisdom, and self-important sacrifice, is not needed. The country move forward and you’ll forever find yourselves on the wrong side of history, as usual.
     Here’s how compromise works: I give something, you give me something. Simple, right? I was going to type out the OED definition of compromise, but I don’t have the patience. You can look it up, let me help, c-o-m-p…. If I start at position A on the alphabetical compromise scale, and you start at Z (both acceptable starting points), then compromise means meeting at ANY point in the middle. I may come all the way to Y in order to remedy a problem, but if you insist on sitting on Z at all costs then you are a fuckstick. You can claim that it’s some sort of integrity when, in fact, it exposes you for what you are: a petulant child. Do you really believe that if someone is willing to move further towards your desired outcome it means nothing? In the scenario that considers the US Government budgets, deficits, and debt think about this idea: the solution to our current problems lie somewhere between less spending and more revenue. Somewhere. Anywhere. Let’s say I’m a tax-and-spend Liberal and you’re a Crayola-using-contract-promising-going-to-love-you-forever,-Grover-is-the-best dipshit Conservative: how’s about I start at A, you start at Z, and we work from there? Oh, did calling you a dipshit hurt your feelings? Sorry. What if I came over U, V, W, X, or Y? Any interest? Didn’t think so. Feel free to read the first few sentences of this paragraph again. It might be best, in the end, to take your box of crayons, your third-grade math polling numbers, and go color in the corner. Let me know when you’ve learned to draw hands with all five digits.
      Graham, Chambliss, King, and McCain believe in their hearts that if they try to unfuck something that they fucked up to start with then they must be heroes. They aren’t. I will give them this: they are at least the first of their kind to recognize the writing on the wall and they are hoping to save their own skins.
      And, in case you wonder where I stand, I’ll tell you. My first offer would be to make up 50% of the shortall with spending reductions; and, 50% with revenue increases. I, unlike these four that I can only consider as wedges, might even further discuss the numbers and compromise.
     Good riddance, jackasses, your days are numbered.

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