traffic report

Every weekday I catch snippets of the local NPR station, WAMU. In the mornings it’s for just a bit while we’re trying to get the launched from the house; in the afternoons I’ll tune in while running errands or cheffing up some dinner. Most know that the D.C. area is notoriously bad for traffic and I think the rush ‘hours’, from 6-11am and 3-8pm, have ballooned to a total of 10 or 12 hours per day. Even during the middle of the day, the slow period between 11am and 3pm, they are giving out ‘the traffic’. I think the basic tenet of a traffic report is to let us know changes to the traffic status quo so we can possibly adjust our plans. Changes. Even if you accept that you might change your route due to an in-depth and well thought out radio traffic report, I don’t know that I’ve ever changed my route because of a report, but someday I might. Anyway, since the beltway (Interstate 495), I-66 in Virginia, I-270 in Maryland / D.C., and I-95 in Maryland / Virginia are always jammed during rush hour, I don’t need to know just how jammed they are, that’s not a change. If I’m a driver and sitting in that jam, I don’t need to know the average speed is 11mph. All that’s going to do for me is get me off on some mathematical game to see if I’m actually moving along at 11mph. If I’m sitting in crappy traffic do not rub it in my face. A report on an accident that’s blocking the left lane of 66 eastbound in Virginia? Doesn’t help me. Here’s my idea of a useful traffic report for the greater D.C. area:

Let’s go to John with the traffic report.

Good morning, Julie. The Dulles toll road is completely empty this morning, average speed is 70mph. It looks like everyone decided to use Highway 7 and I-66 eastbound this morning, so if you’re heading in to the city and can get on the toll road, I’d recommend taking it – hey you, in your car, you’re the only one who can hear me, take the toll road. Also, for those heading into the District on 95 northbound in Virginia, the two right hand lanes are open and troopers are restricting those lanes for Honda and Toyota sedan drivers only. The SUV and Toby Keith-loving pick-up drivers are sitting in the left lane averaging about 5mph while listening to Opie and Anthony on the radio. That trip will take you about an hour to get into the District. The Hondas and Toyotas are doing about 75mph in their lanes. I’m John Doe for 95.3 WWKK.

That would be just fine.

I don’t drive to work, but if I did…

T.