Wednesday, April 06, 2011

gang load

I haven’t scanned the Internet in order to figure out this new senatorial “Gang of Six”. Before I do, let me explain a few things.

This is Gang of Four:

This is Gangs of New York:

This is the gang from one of my favorite movies, Bottle Rocket:

A bunch of senators hanging about the lush Hart Senate Office Building is not a gang. I can’t even imagine the meeting where these stiffs sat around trying to give birth to some creative, 24-hour news channel, moniker.

“Right. We need a name for this effort, guys.”
(PowerPoint is brought up, sticky notes handed out to everyone for brainstorming)

“First and foremost, there are no bad ideas. Remember, we are a Six Sigma / ISO 9000-certified Congress.”

“How about, ‘the Half Dozen’?”

“Not nearly strong enough, ‘the Dirty Half Dozen’?”

“Wait a minute! ‘Saxby and the Crapos’!”

“Shut up, Saxby. Why does your name get to be the lead? How about ‘The Kent Conrads’?”

“Really, Kent? That’s your idea?”

“Alright, knock it off. If y’all keep going on like this…no gang!”

“Sorry, Dick. Now that I think about it, earlier today ol’ Tommy Coburn was telling me that we really look like some kind of gang. Now you say ‘gang’ – maybe there’s something to this…”

“Let’s be a gang. Maybe we can be the ‘Gang of Threes’ since there are three of us from each party.”

“Warner, you’re an idiot. Clearly, we should be the ‘Gang of Two’. Two parties: One Gang!”

(Chambliss writes down that catchy, ‘new’ campaign slogan.)

“Frankly, Dick, I don’t like either name. Maybe we should recess and figure this out after we take some time off and sign some papers.”

“Excellent, meeting adjourned. Oh, wait. One more thing: you don’t talk about the gang.”

I don’t know. After hearing about this gang this morning, I heard part of an interview with some Tennessee congressman. When asked if he would consider tax increases in order to help alleviate the deficit, he said: “Well, that’s a 'what if' question. There’s no way for me to know.”

Hey, Congressman, if I punch you in the face, would it hurt? Or, is there no way for you to comment on that ‘what if’.

** The members are: Saxby Chambliss, Mark Warner, Tom Coburn, Mike Crapo, Kent Conrad, and Dick Durbin.

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