latin maxims

Sometimes the law provides something beyond good guidance; dig far enough and there's some laughter for the rest of us. I know it's not fair to segregate the population into lawyers and us, we'll probably be sued for being discriminatory; but facts is facts. The hard part is sorting why the practice of law seems so different than any other; a career that's based on arbitary assumptions and opinions. Actually, I think I'll pitch the psychology and sociology fields into the breach as well. That'll be quite a disturbed little room of opinions. Doctors seem different, a little more scientific and anchored in facts, symptoms, things we can actually see by "looking with our eyes". The law posse is really just a group that have ideas about what could be right, could be wrong, could be agreed, disagreed, argued, published, decided, not decided, adjudicated and all the other stuff we did in kindergarten. Sometimes the playground monitor came over to help solve the unsolveable mystery of whether or not I had called Scooby-Doo before getting caught in a rousing game of cartoon freeze tag. There are utterances beyond those put forth from the high bench that just as effectively decide an issue with the finality any of us might need. It seems as if any judge (or playground monitor) could easily add these to his repetoire of courtroom utterings and get by just fine. Examples? How about Buzz Harrison's response to the "Have you seen (fill in the name)?" / "What happened to (fill name)?" query; "...he went to shit and the hogs ate him." For just a second you pause and wonder...what the hell does that mean? A quick second later and it makes perfect sense, no more questioning required. A scintillating combintion of "I don't know" and "I don't care". I say it compares favorably with overruled. What about Dave Porter's brilliant utterances, "build bridges not walls" and, "don't hate...appreciate". That's solid playground, or courtroom, legal advice if I've ever heard it. I can hear AGAG uttering either of those while being grilled by any number, and there have been a number, of Senate Committees. In the movie Fargo, William H. Macy's character blurts out, in the middle of a very confusing scenario, "What the Christ!". Indeed.

prosecutor (P): "Your Honor, I object!"
judge (J): "What the Christ!"
(P) "Well, your Honor, I think the defense attorney's question has no effect on this case"
(J) "And how is that you think it's beyond the pale of this case?"
(P) "Well...what about Supreme Court Justice Thomas' opinion in Doolittle v. State of Georgia? What about Justice Thomas?"
(J) "Thomas? Went to shit and the hogs ate him. Overruled."

Just as I said.

There is actually a legal phrase that cuts to the chase and I've got to throw out a bone: "res ipsa loquitur". Roughly translated it means "the thing speaks for itself". If I have this right in my pea-brain it means that there's only one possible solution to a case and the evidence presented. There is no other way the event could have happened and it doesn't matter how it happened; it just is.

(P) "Your honor, what do you mean by that statement about Justice Thomas.
(J) "Res ipsa loquitur"

I have some more cleaning to finish. I've no idea what that all means.

love to all,

t